Turns out ... I'm a bit of a crappy blogger!! Lucky I only have one follower, thanks Haylie :) so I'm not letting many people down!
I've been feeling a bit blue lately ... perhaps I would be feeling better if I had been counting my blessings. I try to be positive, I am really good at being positive for other people. Telling them that everything happens for a reason and that everything will be ok. When it's about other people I really believe it.
However, I cant turn that positive energy towards myself. I am extremely hard on myself. I tell myself that I am going to fail. I am never going to find love. I am fat. I am ugly. I am poor. I really am horrible to myself. I suppose that is the one thing I hoped to change by doing this blog.
The one thing I don't say to myself is that I am a bad mother. I know I am a damn good mother. He is the reason I want to turn all this negativity around. I want him to grow up with self-confidence. I want him to grow up proud of himself and the achievements I know he will accomplish. I don't want him to feel the way I feel.
So, I will give myself a fresh start today and try again.
1. I am grateful for my girlfriends. I confided some of my fears in them this past weekend and they gave me the kind of boost that only your girlfriends can. They told me that it's ok to give up for a while but I was worthy and loved.
2. I am grateful to have found that weird exercise bug that other people have. I have been exercising 4+ times a week and have even re-joined a gym. I am really enjoying putting some focus on myself and my health. I normally focus all my energy on Thom but I know that if I can invest some time and energy and money into me and my health it will serve him in the long run.
3. I am grateful to have a jeweller step-dad! He has taken my wedding rings and assorted jewellery I got from my marriage and he is going to fashion me a new ring. I will call it my Freedom Ring! I am so excited!!
Ok, so fresh start today. I will try to blog more regularly.
Kair xx
